Every night i slp...i'll automatically wake up around 2-3am...sudden wake up call...having nightmares every night...wheni woke up...my mind is full of her faces...with other guys...esp R..feeling very very sad and down...no mood to eat...no mood to slp....smoking in fact more and more..when she's around...i nv cherish her...now thats she gone....i then realised....she's the one i love...
Buddha's teaching...everybody deserved chances to everyone's wrong doings...as long as the person is willing to change...for the better....he deserved the chance for turning over a new life...i know my temper is bad...mouth needless to say...worst..whenever i'm angry...i'll say things that hurt pple's heart....now i know why...she left me....it really hurts...even though is a 5 month r/s....but it feels more than 7yrs....i really dunno what do i have to do to ask her back...i'm now just doing my best...my very best to ask her back...WILL NV GIVE UP!!! Like what li ah peh told me...ask me to "fan xing of what i've done to her"..."fan xing means think back"...i really hope she'll give me a chance of making me realising....that she's worth it...
Really feel jealous when she's in such good terms with R...really...but i dun blamed her...he was there for her when we quarrelled...i hope if we got back together...i'll be the man for her and be there for her whenever she needed me.....if we got back...i would really wanna tell her...how much i miss her...love her....nv really been so down before...really wanted her back...to janet's decreased mom-"auntie...i hope...no matter where your daughter is or are...i'm willing to take good care of her all my life...nv ever vent frustration on her unneccessarily...treat her with love and care..."
That night when i stayed over at her house...haiz.....wounds all over her lower limbs...coughing and coughing..that day before i slp..i asked for permission to hug her...but in the end...i hugged her...the feeling was good...and gave her a goodnight kiss on her forehead....i really love that feeling of kissing her and padding her while she cant slp...got used of slping side by side with her...feeling uneasy without her by my side...anything can be compromised...not that i'm flirting outside and get caught by her....is just that...my temper is not good...is i flirt with other girls...i deserved for the punishment i'm serving now....but as i said....temper can be changed....i'm going all out for her....she deserved good treatments from me now on....
Always loving you...baby...
guilty joe
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